It's been difficult to write about spring and Easter and new life without mentioning the new little life growing inside me. I'm relieved that the news is officially out now.
When I was pregnant with Isaac we waited a long time to make it public. I had just had a miscarriage and I was terrified that it would happen again. We were so excited for our first pregnancy that we told people very soon, but that also meant that we had to "un-tell" them when I had the miscarriage. However, not telling people meant dealing with the fear and discomfort of the first trimester in silence and with fewer people praying for us.
I find myself thinking about those days a lot right now. It's still difficult but I'm much more at peace about this pregnancy. I get anxious sometimes but the old terror is no longer there. I'm not sure why. It must be grace.
We already love this child and are so happy that our family is growing. We're so happy to give Isaac a sibling and to have another little bundle to cuddle come November. However, it still doesn't seem quite real yet. It's hard to believe that by next Christmas I will have two little munchkins.
Maybe I'm not as afraid of a miscarriage this time because now my experience has given me other things to worry about. I know now how difficult pregnancy is. I'm looking forward to feeling those first kicks but I'm also struggling with nausea and heartburn and dreading the constant backache and hunger that will probably come later. I also know how difficult Isaac's birth was. I'm hopeful that this time will be easier but I know it's possible that this baby will be even bigger and more difficult. I also really hope that the transition from center-of-the-universe to big brother won't be too hard on Isaac.
Anyway, I'm trying to take things as they come and not look too far ahead. Right now every day is different and dealing with each one is enough. Some days I feel pretty well and some days I'm exhausted and/or sick. I feel like a wimp because I know so many women who get morning sickness so much worse than I do, but it's still not easy. I guess the real point of this rambling post is to ask for prayers. Please pray for the safety of this little one and that I can make it through each day (more or less) gracefully, and for everything that lies ahead.
Thursday, 2 May 2013
Friday, 5 April 2013
Happy Easter! He is risen as He said!
I'm so happy that Easter has finally arrived and now it seems like maybe, just maybe, spring is also arriving too.
Easter weekend was beautiful and the last couple of days have been ABOVE ZERO! (If any non-Canadians are reading this--yes, we do get excited about above freezing weather in April.) Yesterday Isaac and I went outside three times. I love feeling spring in the air and it does a great deal for my sanity to be able to set that boy loose in the wild. Maybe "the wild" is an overstatement, what I mean is our small backyard in the city. Someday hopefully we'll live somewhere where I can talk about the wild and really mean it.
Some outdoor time has been especially appreciated, because indoors Isaac has been driving me crazy. He has discovered climbing. I only have to turn my back for a minute and he's on the kitchen table. I started laying the chairs down thinking that he wouldn't be able to put them upright again--guess who surprised his mommy once again? Laying them down does slow him down but if he's determined he can pick them up and push them where he wants. He's also perfected opening the fridge door and is pretty good at getting up on couches. I pray that it'll be awhile before he figures out doorknobs.
Anyway, spring is by far my favorite season. Everything is waking up and stretching itself after winter. The plants are so green and fresh. And, if we're lucky, we get some nice mild days before the bugs come out.
This year I'm blessed to see spring through my little boy's eyes. In the fall he was still a baby really. He loved to go outside then too, but then he was still in his own little world, only really seeing what was right in front of him. Now he's started to discover the world around him. When he hears a bird he looks for it and might even try to imitate it. He's constantly pointing at things wanting me to tell him what they are, even things as simple as a pile of branches. Last week we took him to the park and he chased a squirrel up a tree and held it in siege there until we distracted him.
Discovering the world through Isaac's eyes this spring has reminded me why children are here. They are really a kind of spring in themselves. They make the world new because they are experiencing it for the first time and it is all oh-so-fascinating. It can be hard to take the time to appreciate every twig, the way my toddler does, but he sure makes me take more notice than I would otherwise.
Yay for Easter! Yay for the renewal that comes with spring! And yay for little children leading the way!
"Behold, I make all things new" -Rev 21:5
I'm so happy that Easter has finally arrived and now it seems like maybe, just maybe, spring is also arriving too.
Easter weekend was beautiful and the last couple of days have been ABOVE ZERO! (If any non-Canadians are reading this--yes, we do get excited about above freezing weather in April.) Yesterday Isaac and I went outside three times. I love feeling spring in the air and it does a great deal for my sanity to be able to set that boy loose in the wild. Maybe "the wild" is an overstatement, what I mean is our small backyard in the city. Someday hopefully we'll live somewhere where I can talk about the wild and really mean it.
Some outdoor time has been especially appreciated, because indoors Isaac has been driving me crazy. He has discovered climbing. I only have to turn my back for a minute and he's on the kitchen table. I started laying the chairs down thinking that he wouldn't be able to put them upright again--guess who surprised his mommy once again? Laying them down does slow him down but if he's determined he can pick them up and push them where he wants. He's also perfected opening the fridge door and is pretty good at getting up on couches. I pray that it'll be awhile before he figures out doorknobs.
Anyway, spring is by far my favorite season. Everything is waking up and stretching itself after winter. The plants are so green and fresh. And, if we're lucky, we get some nice mild days before the bugs come out.
This year I'm blessed to see spring through my little boy's eyes. In the fall he was still a baby really. He loved to go outside then too, but then he was still in his own little world, only really seeing what was right in front of him. Now he's started to discover the world around him. When he hears a bird he looks for it and might even try to imitate it. He's constantly pointing at things wanting me to tell him what they are, even things as simple as a pile of branches. Last week we took him to the park and he chased a squirrel up a tree and held it in siege there until we distracted him.
Discovering the world through Isaac's eyes this spring has reminded me why children are here. They are really a kind of spring in themselves. They make the world new because they are experiencing it for the first time and it is all oh-so-fascinating. It can be hard to take the time to appreciate every twig, the way my toddler does, but he sure makes me take more notice than I would otherwise.
Yay for Easter! Yay for the renewal that comes with spring! And yay for little children leading the way!
"Behold, I make all things new" -Rev 21:5
Tuesday, 19 March 2013
cookies for St. Joseph!
Today I decided to celebrate the Solemnity of the Feast of St. Joseph and the inauguration of Pope Francis by baking cookies. Not just any cookies, "dark and dangerous triple chocolate" cookies. These things are rich, cakey, and unbelievably good. If you want to forget about life for a while and drift off into a heavenly diabetic coma these are the cookies for you.
Anyway, as soon as I started getting out ingredients Isaac got ready to help by pulling up a chair. He's my constant companion in the kitchen and can get pretty upset when I try to do anything without him (such as preparing raw meat, using the stove or sharp knives--Isaac is confident that he can handle these things, but I'm still not quite convinced), so I try to include him whenever I can.
Everything was going pretty well at first. There was flour and cocoa everywhere but that was to be expected. Then, when we were almost finished Isaac got a taste of the batter (raw eggs never hurt anyone, right?) and realized how sweet it was. It then became a race. Isaac trying to shovel the batter into his mouth, and me trying to quickly finish mixing it and simultaneously stop him from ingesting it all. We don't give him a lot of sweets, but he sure does love it whenever he can get his hands on any.
I soon realized I would have to finish off the cookies without Isaac's help if I wanted there to be anything left to put in the oven. So I did what any 21st-Century mother would do: I put the bowl out of reach and went to get the camera, then blogged about it and put the pictures up on the Internet.
I put the bowl out of reach but, as you can see, he managed to find the beaters. Mmmmm, butter, sugar and egg.
I'm so happy to finally get pictures of him smiling and not making a run for the camera. Turns out all that was needed was a little chocolate.
Happy feast, St. Joseph! Please protect my men and may we follow your example of holiness and purity!
Anyway, as soon as I started getting out ingredients Isaac got ready to help by pulling up a chair. He's my constant companion in the kitchen and can get pretty upset when I try to do anything without him (such as preparing raw meat, using the stove or sharp knives--Isaac is confident that he can handle these things, but I'm still not quite convinced), so I try to include him whenever I can.
Everything was going pretty well at first. There was flour and cocoa everywhere but that was to be expected. Then, when we were almost finished Isaac got a taste of the batter (raw eggs never hurt anyone, right?) and realized how sweet it was. It then became a race. Isaac trying to shovel the batter into his mouth, and me trying to quickly finish mixing it and simultaneously stop him from ingesting it all. We don't give him a lot of sweets, but he sure does love it whenever he can get his hands on any.
I soon realized I would have to finish off the cookies without Isaac's help if I wanted there to be anything left to put in the oven. So I did what any 21st-Century mother would do: I put the bowl out of reach and went to get the camera, then blogged about it and put the pictures up on the Internet.
Friday, 8 March 2013
waiting, waiting, waiting...shoes!
March always seems to me to be a month of waiting. You can feel spring getting closer but, let's be realistic, this is Canada, and March is still basically winter. So we're waiting for spring. We're also waiting for Easter, and this year we're waiting for a new pope as well.
That's a lot of waiting, and I must admit that Lent has been difficult this year. Sean and I are fasting from watching tv. I'm so glad that we decided to do it and it's been really good for us, but there was quite the detox period. When Isaac was sick near the beginning of Lent I almost didn't make it.
It's amazing how much more productive I can be without tv sucking all my spare time down the drain. So I've been filling in this waiting time with sewing. Since we have so many friends who just had or are about to have babies I've been sewing baby gifts. I've actually become pretty obsessed with making these cute little soft-soled baby shoes.
Aren't they sweet? Because of the elastic in the heel, they should be nice and snug and stay on well too. I'm very seriously considering starting an Etsy shop so I can sell these little treasures. Then, of course, I had to start making little headbands to match the shoes (since everyone seems to be having girls these days).
I needed more interfacing so today I went to the fabric store where I couldn't resist picking up a few cute remnants. I also discovered a thrift store next to the fabric store and found some beautiful fabric there. My favorite place that I shopped today, though, was my mother-in-law's fabric stash. She loves to see fabric going to a good home and I love free stuff! Long story short, I have enough fabric now to be making these shoes for the rest of my life. Anyone interested in buying?
That's a lot of waiting, and I must admit that Lent has been difficult this year. Sean and I are fasting from watching tv. I'm so glad that we decided to do it and it's been really good for us, but there was quite the detox period. When Isaac was sick near the beginning of Lent I almost didn't make it.
It's amazing how much more productive I can be without tv sucking all my spare time down the drain. So I've been filling in this waiting time with sewing. Since we have so many friends who just had or are about to have babies I've been sewing baby gifts. I've actually become pretty obsessed with making these cute little soft-soled baby shoes.
Aren't they sweet? Because of the elastic in the heel, they should be nice and snug and stay on well too. I'm very seriously considering starting an Etsy shop so I can sell these little treasures. Then, of course, I had to start making little headbands to match the shoes (since everyone seems to be having girls these days).
Monday, 25 February 2013
helluva hard
So I wasn't really planning on posting today but I came across this excerpt from a book that I just had to share: Carry On, Warrior , by Glennon Melton.
She talks about the difficulties of mothering and how we find them hard to admit because we're always being told to "love every minute of it" by old ladies in the grocery store. This is something that I think about often. Especially as a stay-at-home mom I'm on the defensive about my motherhood. In a society where it's anti-cultural to raise your children full-time if I admit that it can be lonely, or even sometimes, dare I say it, boring, I'm afraid that someone will tell me to just get a job because I obviously don't have enough to do (this is coming from a woman with only one child; I'm sure once I have eight children no one will question whether I have enough to do--then they'll question my sanity).
Anyway, I love this excerpt. It made me laugh and cry at the same time.
I just hope to be one [nostalgic old lady] with a clear memory. And here’s what I hope to say to the younger mama gritting her teeth in line:
“It’s helluva hard, isn’t it? You’re a good mom, I can tell. And I like your kids, especially that one peeing in the corner. She’s my favorite. Carry on, warrior. Six hours ’til bedtime.”
She talks about the difficulties of mothering and how we find them hard to admit because we're always being told to "love every minute of it" by old ladies in the grocery store. This is something that I think about often. Especially as a stay-at-home mom I'm on the defensive about my motherhood. In a society where it's anti-cultural to raise your children full-time if I admit that it can be lonely, or even sometimes, dare I say it, boring, I'm afraid that someone will tell me to just get a job because I obviously don't have enough to do (this is coming from a woman with only one child; I'm sure once I have eight children no one will question whether I have enough to do--then they'll question my sanity).
Anyway, I love this excerpt. It made me laugh and cry at the same time.
I just hope to be one [nostalgic old lady] with a clear memory. And here’s what I hope to say to the younger mama gritting her teeth in line:
“It’s helluva hard, isn’t it? You’re a good mom, I can tell. And I like your kids, especially that one peeing in the corner. She’s my favorite. Carry on, warrior. Six hours ’til bedtime.”
Friday, 15 February 2013
St. Valentine's
Another Valentine's Day has come and gone and I've fallen into the trap once again. The hype surrounding the holy-martyr's-feast-somehow-turned-day-of-ultra-romance has fooled me into putting romantic love on a high pedestal for which it was never destined. Darn you greeting card company conspiracy!
Truth be told, I've been feeling a little blue lately. I don't fully know why. I think partly it's the weather and being cooped up indoors too much. Also, Isaac has been pretty temperamental lately, which really wears on me. Maybe the weather is getting to him too.
Anyway, I've never really thought much about Valentine's Day. Sure it's nice for couples to have an extra reason to show their love, but it's pretty much a made up holiday anyway, right? But as it approached this year I began to look forward to it as a break from recent monotony. I began to think that in some small way maybe it would make me happy. BIG mistake.
Flowers and chocolate certainly cannot make me happy. Neither can the love of my husband, dear though he is. Only God can.
One of the few things that humans can never get enough of is love. We desire to be loved perfectly, completely, forever. Can I love someone like that? Of course not. It is how I strive to love my husband and son everyday but I'm constantly falling short. Romantic love, beautiful and amazing as it is, can never truly fulfill a person. The reason romantic love is so beautiful is that it is a shadow, the faintest whisper, of real love--God's love. The only love so perfect and all-encompassing that it can make a person happy.
When we put the burden of our happiness into someone else's hands we are doing them a great injustice. No human was ever meant to bear that burden. Essentially, we are making them into our god. Expecting your spouse to fulfill you will only lead to frustration and disappointment. Expecting them to be perfect will only make them feel inadequate and unappreciated.
All of this I know, and have known ever since studying Theology of the Body before I was married--in theory. In practice it's very easy to forget. In practice it's very easy to look to the person who is beside you everyday for your happiness. It is very easy to blame him whenever you have a bad day, whenever you're the least bit down. It is much more difficult to look to myself, to what is lacking in my spiritual life, to sincerely put my well-being into God's hands.
There's a song by Jon Foreman about this called A Mirror is Harder to Hold. He says:
I could try and point the finger but the glass points in my direction
Sure you've got your sharp edges but my wounds are from my own reflection
Happy belated St. Valentine's Day everyone! Hug your loved ones and don't forget to remind them that you can't make each other happy!
Truth be told, I've been feeling a little blue lately. I don't fully know why. I think partly it's the weather and being cooped up indoors too much. Also, Isaac has been pretty temperamental lately, which really wears on me. Maybe the weather is getting to him too.
Anyway, I've never really thought much about Valentine's Day. Sure it's nice for couples to have an extra reason to show their love, but it's pretty much a made up holiday anyway, right? But as it approached this year I began to look forward to it as a break from recent monotony. I began to think that in some small way maybe it would make me happy. BIG mistake.
Flowers and chocolate certainly cannot make me happy. Neither can the love of my husband, dear though he is. Only God can.
One of the few things that humans can never get enough of is love. We desire to be loved perfectly, completely, forever. Can I love someone like that? Of course not. It is how I strive to love my husband and son everyday but I'm constantly falling short. Romantic love, beautiful and amazing as it is, can never truly fulfill a person. The reason romantic love is so beautiful is that it is a shadow, the faintest whisper, of real love--God's love. The only love so perfect and all-encompassing that it can make a person happy.
When we put the burden of our happiness into someone else's hands we are doing them a great injustice. No human was ever meant to bear that burden. Essentially, we are making them into our god. Expecting your spouse to fulfill you will only lead to frustration and disappointment. Expecting them to be perfect will only make them feel inadequate and unappreciated.
All of this I know, and have known ever since studying Theology of the Body before I was married--in theory. In practice it's very easy to forget. In practice it's very easy to look to the person who is beside you everyday for your happiness. It is very easy to blame him whenever you have a bad day, whenever you're the least bit down. It is much more difficult to look to myself, to what is lacking in my spiritual life, to sincerely put my well-being into God's hands.
There's a song by Jon Foreman about this called A Mirror is Harder to Hold. He says:
I could try and point the finger but the glass points in my direction
Sure you've got your sharp edges but my wounds are from my own reflection
Happy belated St. Valentine's Day everyone! Hug your loved ones and don't forget to remind them that you can't make each other happy!
Friday, 1 February 2013
Will the world be so kind?
Awhile ago we noticed that when we said "good job!" Isaac would clap. Now he's doing it even if we don't say anything, whenever he thinks he's accomplished something.
Today Isaac put a fork on a pair of shoes and smiled and clapped for himself like it was the greatest thing in the world. It just made me wonder: are we overdoing it? Have we set him up to be one of those kids who thinks he's the cat's pyjamas because he can adequately pair cutlery and footwear? Will he go off to college and throw a temper tantrum when his professor isn't impressed that he put a spoon in a boot? I guess only time will tell...
 |
| Sorry, I don't have a better picture. This is Isaac making a rush for the camera as usual. |
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)